Usually I appear and act indifferent because of my genuine disinterest. I hear people talking about TV shows, celebrities, bands, or social media and I immediately tune out, because I feel no need to involve myself with thinks that seem "boring" to me. I have had several friendships break of in the past due to tragedy, lack of communication, and purposeful break offs. Perhaps these experiences have lead to my seemingly cold outer appearance, and admittedly I have continued to play that role while being perfectly happy. I still have friends and people I enjoy being with of course, but I find that I am relatively more wary and cynical that others regarding relationships. Perhaps I seem selfish and arrogant because I do not interact with others if I see no benefit or desire, and maybe I am wrong to even think this way, but regardless, this is how I am. (Like many, I'm sure) I form my relations around mutual interests and I suppose my friendships do invoke "happy" emotions in me, but in the end, I still find myself a loner. I often observe others unconsciously floating towards others (literally drifting or inching towards others) because I suppose humans have an innate desire to "be apart of something". I may do the same sometimes, but other times, I just stand there on my own, and feel perfectly fine with it.
So how do I cope with being alone? I'm guessing that some part of my genes just naturally makes me more prone to not caring, not to mention my fathers raising me and always telling me: "Who cares what other people think? It doesn't affect you!" But a big aspect of what allows me to be a loner, is technology.
Technology, computers, and the internet create a whole new plane of existence for us to "live on", and I'm not referring to life simulator games, I mean communities like forums, fandoms (a large group of "worshipers" or a certain movie, book, game, etc) or even just websites. I have an online art community where I can spend time just staring at amazing art, there are many youtube videos that I am extremely enthusiastic about and have seen many times, and I enjoy having discussions with other people about things that we have mutual interests in. I develop strong connections to the things I see (not necessarily the people specifically, but sometimes just the things they create). I have a crazy obsession for YGOTAS because it made me laugh so hard and through my appreciation of it's creation, I have created an overwhelming desire to meet the creator.
In the end, if you think about it, I'm really only creating bonds and connections with myself, because at the end of the day, I don't know anyone on the internet any more that I know my own friends. My enthusiasm for the things I see online refers directly back the my own reactions, and therefor I'm only just mentally interacting with myself. (Whether it be a rush of happiness from seeing a piece of art, or reading a funny article).
But what does this all come down to? I dunno, I suppose that it just depends on the person.
You may think it's unhealthy for me to be the way I am, but I'm not an antisocial person who sits on there computer all day. I think that technology is open for us to explore things that interest us and in the end we choose what we want to do with what we have.
(I may spend a portion on my weekends like this, but it's not exactly my "natural habitat")
Referring back to the question of how I "cope" with being alone.
You know, scratch that, I don't think I'm coping at all. I'm just doing my thing, being perfectly happy, and living my life with both people and technology. In the end, I really don't know the answer.
We're all still growing and developing, so we might as well just keep on going right?
Amber- Your comfort online shows clearly in your honest, introspective post describing your online life. I've seen deviant art before (and thought Ellie Klein should see the unicorn in a unitard on a unicycle) but was unfamilar w/ YGOTAS. The point is that they're all remixed, right? Remixing seems like one of the more powerful tools online. Do you do it yourself? I assume you know Nausicaa? Here's an article that links anime and environmentalism -http://www.mit.edu/~rei/manga-environmental.html. I would suggest offline editing of your posts first, however, to catch typos. A fine start.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy your blog post. I admire your outlook on life, about only spending your energy focusing on those activities which intrigue you. I also think it is very logical to act and live how you are happy and satisfied, regardless of what other people think. I believe most people spend way too much time and energy participating in activities they do not like and acting not like your self in order to fit in. As much as I try to avoid falling into this trap, sometimes I do not succeed.
ReplyDelete